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When you attempt to conquer a powerful bully In your negotiation, what psychology do you use? At the initial thought of confronting him, are you overwhelmed by fear or are you emboldened with the psychological mindset required to conquer him?

Take note of the following insights in your negotiation to conquer a powerful bully.

Understand the bully’s environment: – (That will lead to understanding his mind and the way he thinks.)

Before you can conquer a bully, you must know how he thinks. Part of understanding that process is knowing as much as possible about the current environment that the bully is in. That encompasses his home, work, and pleasure environments. The fact is, he may be stimulated to act a certain way based on the associates he has in those environments. Thus, if you understand what ‘makes him tick’, you’ll be better prepared to confront him.

Identifying when the perception of bullying is valid:

Another factor you should consider is how the bully perceives the aspect of bullying. Some negotiators are very hard-nosed, others are softer. Thus, the hard-nosed negotiator may not see himself as bullying. Instead, he may see himself as a tough negotiator, while you may be perceiving him as being prickly if not a subset of that word.

If you sense you’re being bullied, address your concerns. In a worst-case scenario, he may tell you that he’s not bullying you at all, or he may tell you that he knows that he’s bullying you and challenge you to do something about it. In either case, you will know exactly what you’re dealing with. You’ll be able to adjust your negotiation efforts from that point.

Why it’s important to understand the mindset of a bully:

As stated above, it’s important to understand the bully’s mindset because that insight will allow you to glimpse his thought process. That insight will lend light to how you can combat the bully and eventually conquer him.

One of the best ways to gain insight into his thought process is to observe how he interacts with others. Note if he cowers before those he perceives as being more powerful than himself. Take note also of those that he emulates; that will enhance your acumen per what he values in a bully. From there, you can create strategies that will confound him, praise him, or act like the bully he emulates, when such is appropriate.

Why it’s important to Understand what a bully fears: (To understand what a bully fears gives a negotiator the ability to pose himself as the object that induces fear in the bully.)

Understanding what a bully fears informs you of the weapons you can use to combat him. Some of those insights can be observed by the body language gestures he exudes during a negotiation. You can also gain insights from his word choices (e.g. using we/us versus I).

The importance of understanding how the bully sees you and why he picks you as a victim:

Most bullies will usually pick on those they perceive as being weak. That’s because bullies want easy targets. Plus, by picking on those that they perceive as being weak, they increase the probability of not incurring wrath for doing so. To prevent yourself from being targeted for bullying, don’t appear to be an easy mark.

As you can see, there’s a lot of psychology that goes into the make-up of a bully’s mind. To negotiate more fervently against him, know how he thinks, don’t appear to be an easy mark, and fight back in some way when confronted by a bully… and everything will be right with the world.

Remember, you’re always negotiating.

Whilst browsing the internet I came across a number of articles on negotiating and having read several began to wonder who these people were negotiating with and why were they bothering to negotiate at all. I was amazed at the language used in the articles and the suggestion that you would want to negotiate with someone you know is going to con you, stitch you up or rip you off. What does the person or organisation you distrust have that is worth the effort of negotiation, it can only be a crook or assassin you want to bump of the spouse or burn the business down for the insurance money.

Why would you want to negotiate with a business or person you know will not stick to any agreement reached and you will be forever employing lawyers to check the small print every time you order or sell to them and you know there will be a dispute over something or other and you may never or you will have to wait ages to get paid or recover your money.

There are only two reasons why you need to negotiate: You are in dispute or you want to do a deal. If you are in dispute there are a number of steps you have to take before you can begin negotiations, the first is reconciliation, the second is communication, the third is negotiation — sounds very much like being married.

The majority of us negotiate because we want to do a deal that is beneficial to all the parties involved. Negotiation is about compromise not setting up barriers that need defending, if you do not want to compromise then don’t bother negotiating, tell the other party you have no interest in doing business with them.

If you are interested in doing deals and deals is what makes your business profitable then you have to negotiate but, before you pick up the telephone to arrange a meeting make sure you are talking to the right party for this deal. Research is imperative, make sure you understand why your business needs this deal and what affect the deal will have on your business, is there another supplier/customer you could do a better deal with? Make sure you understand what you can negotiate away and what cannot be negotiated.

Once you understand why you want or need the deal go and find out everything you can about the target, ask around, check the newspapers, magazines, contacts in other businesses you know that have dealings with the target, your bank manager, is the target under money or time pressure, do they pay their bills etc. You would be surprised what little snippet of information may clinch a deal.

When negotiations begin never ever give away what you know about your target and never impart your business problems to the target. During the negotiations and if you have done your research you will hear the fear you can exploit that will clinch the deal and nine times out of ten it has nothing to do with price. It may be delivery times, stocking levels, storage, expertise, marketing, something that may be small and insignificant to you but extremely important to your target.

How do you find the fear? You ask questions and let the target talk and talk, never interrupt, never answer for the target, never show how clever you are by pre-empting, make notes and listen, do not be afraid to rephrase a question to dig further, leave a little space between the target ending their answer and you starting the next question, you never know what they might add. Next time you watch a news programme listen to the reporter, if they are any good their questions will find the answers and if they know there is a little more to come listen for the silence.

In summary make sure you know why you want to negotiating, carry out in-depth research, prepare, ask questions and don’t be afraid to say No. Never confuse Negotiation for Selling they are two different skills.